letters to july \\ 23

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Dear July,

I am such an over-feeler. I savor the miscellany of emotions that happen upon me; I take it aside and bundle myself within it– or, rather the varied collection of them– until I am sodden in them. I cry when I am sad, when I am angry, when I am overwhelmed. I spend hours mulling over the ocean-full of emotions I felt that day, that hour, that magical minute. This in and of itself is a gift. It means I am compassionate of others who are feeling things; I rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. It is what I am meant to do– feel these things and make things happen with these feelings as part of it all.

But, I have learned, one must not let one’s feelings interfere with God’s will. My emotions can muddle God’s words, blurring them until I cannot tell what they are. And that means eschewing (accidentally or otherwise) His plan. What a terrible thing to do. I want, more than anything else in all the world, to obey my Father, and sometimes that means separating my emotions from my instructions. This is not to say that a relationship with God is to be without feeling– like I stated before, it is a trait placed intentionally within us.

It is a balancing act; to be led by God, and moved by emotion. This is how it is to be.




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